Comments . . .Incredible

I was wanting to write a new blog in here, but decided that it would just be flat out wrong if I posted anything other than the responses I've gotten back from my e-mail I sent out to my Musicology class. These are actual responses. . .

"Best mass email of the semester"

"Fuck you. You have no right saying shit to anyone. If you done wanna send anyone notes, that is completely up to you. Personally I've never asked but some ppl truly lost their shit. Shit my dog ate mine. No joke. Luckily I have friends in the class which I consider myself very lucky to have. So to the rest who get drunk and have a good time, good for them. Obviously you have nothing better to do on a Saturday night but send a rude-ass mass email to the class. You are just a hater.

Hate on playa, hate on"

"That was amazing. Thanks for saying what the rest of us were thinking!"

"You are the man. I have been wanting to send this exact email since freshman year. Bravo."

"I have no clue who you are but that was quite possibly the greatest email I have ever read. Seriously. Round of applause to you! Thanks!"

"Thanks for filling my email with more useless space. Email the people who sent the messages, not everybody in the class. There are always gonna be slackers. Live with it."

"kudos to you"

"Amen brother. Thank you for being the only one to speak up. What a bunch of lazy ass motherfuckers they are!"

"Much Applause"

"Thank you for the message. I have grown quite tired of receiving stupid e-mails for notes, especially for the concerts that the people supposedly went to. You are a gentleman and a scholar."

THIS NEXT ONE HAS TO BE MY FAVORITE

"now lets get really "REAL" "BRO" ur a wasted human for taking the god damn time to set and type that message, what a fucking d bag. we ALL know this class is a fucking joke and no one ever goes, stop bitching about it just ignore the emails and dont set and act like u have not dont it, you stupid fuck"

"Man, I just want you to know that you're my hero for sending this e-mail out. I wanted to say the exact same thing but didn't have the balls to send it out. Very nice!"

"Or you could shut up, and quit flooding my inbox with your opinion. I go to class, take the notes, and I just ignore the retards. I might give a shit about what you think. You're no different than them, just another annoying person no not pay attention to. Now quit whining and don't spam us."

"Thank you for sending this message!! I almost did something similar a few weeks ago, but I didn't....hesitated like a numnutz. Man those e-mails drove me up a wall, but I usually just laughed instead!! Hope you are doing well in the class! And good luck on Tuesday if you're re-taking any quizzes."

"Just wanted to write and say very well put! I'm glad to hear I wasn't the only one in class absolutely annoyed by the constant bull shit mass E-Mails I would get 10 times a week as the semister drew to a close. Nicely Done!"

"hahaha couldn't have said it any better, thank you."

"well put.. this really livened up my night. thanks for having the balls to say it"

THIS NEXT ONE MAY ALSO BE MY FAVORITE, HE QUOTES SHAKESPEARE IN THE END . . .BRILLIANT

"If we could all have as big a cojones as you, I appreciate your honesty, but let’s be realistic here. You yourself come across as having a Scooby-Doo lunch box. Where and when is it your place to judge and lecture your fellow students on the etiquette and appropriate behavior of a class, the only reason I feel it is necessary to write you this email is because you felt the need to address the entire class and waste my time worse than anyone asking to forward some simple notes. This is a 125 course, not a doctoral degree class and as such my personal approach was that this was to be an enjoyable, leisurely, and educational class that everyone could enjoy and grow their musical interest from. You see giving out notes as a source of weakness, but I find the weaker person to be the one who begrudges people over some simple e-mails. If they bother you so much perhaps you should simply delete them. I suppose to some degree I have come down to your level by responding to your e-mail, but when you open yourself up to criticize the entire class, I believe it warrants a response. Rather than tooting your own horn, you should take a lesson in humility and realize that the unexpected can happen in life and if forwarding some notes can bring some closure to a turbulent time, those few moments can mean a world of difference. As a person who will ultimately rely upon the generosity of their peers at some point in your educational career, I hope you realize the hypocrisy you have opened yourself up to. I am not claiming or presenting myself as the perfect student, but I am the recipient of your attacks and I am addressing those attacks. So in closing I ask you to seek knowledge in the words of William Shakespeare, "In peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility." I wish you the best of luck in your academic career and future crusades."

"Thank God"

"Ha I do agree, might as well be honest and say let me get some notes I didnt go, and since you seem to be the honest type, you have any extra credit concerts you went to that I can get? Thanks"

"fuck yea man... this college shit is amazing..."

Well, I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. Until next time . . .

I wrote this to all the students in my History of Jazz class

This is the actual email sent to my class . . . enjoy

As the semester is coming to an end, I want to personally thank every single one of you for being a part of my educational experience this semester. However, this e-mail has a double purpose. It's about time someone addresses this so here it goes. To all you people requesting notes, giving half-ass excuses as to why your hungover self can't make it to a 2:10 class, suck it. Just suck it. If someone was pathetic enough to send you notes back, first off, that person is an idiot for falling for one of your pathetic excuses and you are just a waste of a perfectly good human. Let's break down some of the excuses we've heard this semester. "Hey, I lost my notebook with all my notes from the concert last week. Can anyone send me them?" The only thing worse than this excuse, is the fact that about five more people in the class used the same one. Get some new material. Secondly, you lost your notebook? What are you? Five years old? Did you forget to pack your Scooby-Doo lunch box too? How about this one, "I was in Florida on Friday, could anyone send me the notes?" This person has obviously never been to a class. Since August, our classes have been on Tuesday and Thursday. And who could forget, possibly my favorite, "Ist my 21st bday....Imma nto gunna be in calss tomorroww cna smeone plsea tlee em whats on the qiuz tesuday." Come on "bro," we all know that this is a fake drunk message. We've all been hammered out of our mind before and we all know that that was fabricated drunkeness. So fellow students, grow some cojones, be honest and tell us that you think the class is worthless and not worth going to and ask someone to send you the notes. Maybe offer to buy them a drink in return.

Musical Pedophilia

Musical Pedophilia

So I'm driving to Memphis today rocking out to some killer music when that blasted song by Justin Beiber comes on. But then my insides felt funny, my head started spontaneously nodding and next thing I know I'm back into my sixth grade, teeny-boppin' self. For those who don't know who Mr. Beiber is, he is a 12 year old YouTube fanatic that was discovered by someone looking to make a quick buck. Anyways, so I've had a revelation, if you will. I am a pedophile. Now, don't go looking for me on NationalAlertRegister.com just yet, let me explain myself. I am a musical pedophile. I am addicted to little kids singing poppy songs with catchy choruses. I can't help myself when I see Miley or Justin dancing, with people twice their age in a music video, to think, "Damn, I want to be their best friend and dancing with them." Now, I can't be alone on this one. I know we all love Miley Cyrus' new hit "Party in The USA!" So, parents here is a quick advisory for you: Be careful when letting your kid become the next Justin Beiber, because there are millions of us predators looking for a quick fix and your child could be our next target. Well, until next time, I'll be scoping YouTube for the next pre-teen star. My hopes are in Charlie, if his brother doesn't sue him for all he's worth after getting bit by him.

A More Enticing Rendition Inquiring Captain America

The following is an article I wrote for the Weekly Hangover.

I'm new here. No, not to Tennessee or making fun of anyone that isn't me, but rather to the beloved, accredited, and down right make-you-shit-your-pants-funny The Weakly Wanglover . . . .Wait, what's that Hornyberger? Oh, that's just you? My mistake. . . I mean The Weekly Hangover. Do I have your attention? Do you want to know me? If you answered no to either of these questions, quit reading, get the hell out of America, and move to that country we border to the north, Flannel-da or whatever the hell it's called.

Sorry comic bookies. Sorry Toby Keith. I am America and opposite to what Steven Colbert tells you, no you can not. You may have your super spandex and lyric-licensing contracts, but you should save your small scraps of dignity and never try to compare your loyalty to this country next to mine. Now I've expressed my fair share of Patriotism by designating myself as the American flag in capture the flag, I've written patriotic songs that insult every other country and I salute every American flag I see. But hold your horses Farmhouse and Tri-Delts, my patriotism is rooted way deeper than these proud moments of true American heroism. Every day on my way to school I have a moment of silence as I pass the Veteran's cemetery. I have American Flag swim trunks that I made sure were designed with 50 stars and 13 stripes on them before even considering wearing them out in public. The list goes on. Furthermore, I understand this theory of "bleeding orange" that you UT-crazed students and former alumni have, but let's be serious here for a moment. We all literally have blue blood running through our veins that consists of red and white blood cells. If there was ever a doubt in your mind that God exists, or that he is a true American, there is your proof. So let's try to forget how the Dixie Chicks and CCR use their influence to increase anti-patriotic propaganda for a moment and focus on what really matters. And that is the fact that, in all of us, there lies a patriotic son-of-a-bitch just waiting for its moment to shine (just not as brightly as I). Are you gonna step up to the plate and wear your country's colors proudly or are you gonna sit in the basement of your grandfather's house and touch yourself while watching Golden Girls re-runs? It's up to you, and yes, those are you're only two options.

So I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a Party in the USA, I'm Proud to be an American and it's all Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue.

Don't like what I have to say? Are you a little disappointed that I didn't make fun of Pike after they didn't offer you a bid last semester? Write me a response. Who knows, maybe if you're vulgar enough, you'll catch the eye of another writer and they'll ask you to be on staff.