Saturday, November 28, 2009

I wrote this to all the students in my History of Jazz class

This is the actual email sent to my class . . . enjoy

As the semester is coming to an end, I want to personally thank every single one of you for being a part of my educational experience this semester. However, this e-mail has a double purpose. It's about time someone addresses this so here it goes. To all you people requesting notes, giving half-ass excuses as to why your hungover self can't make it to a 2:10 class, suck it. Just suck it. If someone was pathetic enough to send you notes back, first off, that person is an idiot for falling for one of your pathetic excuses and you are just a waste of a perfectly good human. Let's break down some of the excuses we've heard this semester. "Hey, I lost my notebook with all my notes from the concert last week. Can anyone send me them?" The only thing worse than this excuse, is the fact that about five more people in the class used the same one. Get some new material. Secondly, you lost your notebook? What are you? Five years old? Did you forget to pack your Scooby-Doo lunch box too? How about this one, "I was in Florida on Friday, could anyone send me the notes?" This person has obviously never been to a class. Since August, our classes have been on Tuesday and Thursday. And who could forget, possibly my favorite, "Ist my 21st bday....Imma nto gunna be in calss tomorroww cna smeone plsea tlee em whats on the qiuz tesuday." Come on "bro," we all know that this is a fake drunk message. We've all been hammered out of our mind before and we all know that that was fabricated drunkeness. So fellow students, grow some cojones, be honest and tell us that you think the class is worthless and not worth going to and ask someone to send you the notes. Maybe offer to buy them a drink in return.

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